Holiday thoughts on family
Happy Lunar New Year!
Although I consider myself more a global citizen after spending almost half of my life so far in North America and another half in Asia, it is always good to double the amount of holiday celebration and joy (and sometimes 4x when you’re working with a global team).
The more cultures I have interacted with, the more commonalities I found across them. New year holidays are always the time for family reunions. Today happens to be Canadian’s family day, coinciding with the Lunar New Year holiday. I figured, if I were to write something, family would be a good topic.
What does family mean?
For me and many of my friends who grew up internationally, concepts like family and home become fuzzy like countries’ borders.
When I first moved to Canada alone, family was where my parents and sister were (i.e., China). I was far away from my family physically and mentally, which excited me as a teenager who rushed to prove her independence and “adultness” to the world.
However, in recent years, I increasingly realized that our connections with our families go beyond physical space. It is not just the ability to see or interact with people virtually in real-time thanks to technology. It is about how my family has made me who I am, and how it influences my decisions and actions in my daily life.
At college, I was drawn to business and innovation. I spent most of my professional (sometimes personal as well) time helping entrepreneurs or business leaders who want to make positive changes like entrepreneurs. People said I have “balls’ and always love to take on challenges. I still have the scar from skateboarding back from high school, and I just got my open diver license last year.
I thought my courage and open mindset was innate gifts. Now thinking back humbly, they probably came from my parents, who built a decade-long successful business and, unlike many Asian parents, have never told me “you can’t do this” since I remembered.
(Of course, there was also some not-so-good stuff I inherited from my family, which you might find out as you know more about me ;)
The meaning of family keeps evolving. It seems that our connections to families not only go beyond space but also time.
I was reading the book “Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child” by Thich Nhat Hanh. What he said struck me:
“…We suffer because we’re caught in the idea of a separate self…we’re not a separate self; we’re connected to our ancestors and to all living and non-living beings…With mindfulness, we can be aware without judgment that our negative habits come from these ancestral roots. We can smile at our shortcomings, at our habit energy. With awareness, we have a choice; we can act another way. We can end the cycle of suffering right now…If one person keeps calm and smiles at a provocation, the whole world will have a better chance for peace.”
It was relieving and thrilling to read the book. I guess the book convinced me that 1) Some of my flaws exist out of my control so I don’t need to punish myself to death, 2) my parents and ancestors aren’t perfect, and 3)I still have the power to change those flaws, which also helps my ancestors and even makes the world a better place.
The moment I realized my parents weren’t perfect and had made mistakes because they didn’t know a better way of parenting, I started letting go of some of the bad memories and now have much better relationships with them.
I was talking to another friend the other day, who has suffered from guilt for years — His father died by accident. The day before his father’s death, he was in a fight with him and shouted something horrible at him, which marked their last interaction.
I recommended this book to him and would do that same for people who might have unfortunately lost their loved ones, or who wish to say something to someone that is not reachable now — I think we all have someone like that:
“…we don’t need to feel that kind of regret. That person is still in us and we can begin anew. We smile to him and say the things we should have said that we didn’t have a chance to say. Say it right now and he will hear it. Sometimes we don’t have to say anything. We just live by the spirit we have found in the practice of beginning anew, and he will know it…The past is not gone. The past is still available in the form of the present. If we know how to touch the present deeply, we touch the past and we can even change the past.”
It’s family day. Hope you had a great reunion and laughed about those stupid things we all did as human, no matter how far apart you and your family are in space or time.
